


Take My Hand

by enkelimagnus



Series: WosFemslash2018 [7]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Big Steps, F/F, Internalized Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-28 15:41:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13907142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enkelimagnus/pseuds/enkelimagnus
Summary: Clary finally decides to make a big step towards Maia, and towards accepting herself.





	Take My Hand

Clary hadn’t taken the subway in a while. She was so used to being with the rest of the Shadowhunters now, to living at the Institute. She didn’t have to commute, and she didn’t have time to go out much anymore. Her and her friends stayed in Brooklyn, and she only ever walked to the Hunter’s Moon.

Tonight was different though. Maia and her… were going on a date. Clary had taken hours to get ready, helped by a very willing Izzy. It was just so difficult, to choose. She didn’t want to look… like a lesbian.

It wasn’t something she was going to admit. Izzy had been careful not to choose too- revealing outfits, and respect Clary’s style, but some of the outfits were just… Clary wouldn’t wear that. She didn’t want people to look at her see gay.

It might not have been their first date. Clary had no idea if the two times she’d gotten a drink at the Hunter’s Moon, sitting at the bar just to be with Maia and talk to her counted as dates. But now they were going to a restaurant. They would walk through Prospect Park on the way back.

Why was she so afraid? She didn’t know. She was now wearing a denim skirt with thick dark red tights, high-heeled boots that were warm and comfy enough for a trek in the snow, and a thick army green coat over her blouse. It was winter, after all.

Maia was sitting across from her in the subway, watching the people around. She took that train every day, because she lived next to the restaurant they were going to eat at. Clary had seen the place’s instagram. It looked delicious.

Food would distract her from this. From Maia’s beautiful face, and her serene expression. From her long legs and the jacket she wore, that seemed way too thin for the weather. Clary had no idea whether werewolves were hotter to the touch or not.

They hadn’t even kissed. Clary wanted potentially to kiss her. She wore only chapstick right now, and it was beautiful. She wanted to kiss her now.

The redhead huffed at her own thoughts and buried herself deeper into her scarf. Maia’s eyes turned to her and the woman smiled. “You seem cold.” She said softly. “Are you going to be okay with walking through the park?” She asked.

She was caring. She was kind. She was so incredibly perfect Clary wanted to kiss her. But there were so many people around. They would think badly of them kissing. They hadn’t held hands either, as they walked from the Hunter’s Moon to the subway station.

Maybe Maia didn’t want to hold hands with her, after all. Maybe Clary should have given in and gotten a date with Jace. No one would care if Jace kissed her. From what she knew, he wasn’t that bad.

They got out of the train and climbed up to the surface. Cold air greeted them when they made it out. Clary still kept a bit of distance between them, distance that said “we’re just friends” to the people around them. People who didn’t care.

“So… how was your day?” Maia asked, voice soft, as if she was trying not to scare Clary into the bushes. Was she really this skittish? Why couldn’t she act normally?

“I… It was okay. I spent hours with Izzy to come up with this outfit. You know her. She wouldn’t let me leave the Institute without a proper look.” Clary chuckled, and started relaxing a little.

“I think you look wonderful. Truly.” Maia complimented, walking a bit closer to Clary as they got deeper into the park.

Snow fell slowly on the trees of Prospect Park. Along the paths couples, families, people alone or in groups walked in the quiet contemplation of the beauty around them. It was soft and, though it didn’t quiet the noise of the city, it still made everyone feel serene.

Clary felt safer now, somehow. She still hadn’t replied to the compliment, but her cheeks were red. She could focus on the weather. And the weather was gorgeous.

Maia fell silent as well. Maybe Clary was fucking up the date. She didn’t want to fuck it up. Maia was amazing. She was so beautiful and so perfect and… She couldn’t fuck up the date. She just couldn’t.

“Wait.” She whispered and took a step closer, slipping her hand into Maia’s.

The other woman looked at her, eyes wide and frozen in place. Shit. It was too early, Clary should have known that. It was only their first date and she was fucking it up, she was fucking it all up and there was no way she was going to finish this evening. She could just leave now and let Maia go home, she just couldn’t stay after…

Maia smiled. A smile like nothing Clary had ever seen before. It was night time already but her smile was like a thousand suns. Maia squeezed Clary’s hand, and the younger woman relaxed almost instantly. It was nice.

They started walking again, still silent. But it was a different kind of silence. This silence didn’t need words. If the one before had been charged with tension, and stress, and things left unsaid, this one was calm. Soft. As soft and serene as the snow still falling, as the snow that caught into Maia’s hair.

Clary knew she was staring, but she couldn’t help herself. Maia’s soft, gentle smile and the way she looked at the ground right now. Clary knew what she was feeling. She didn’t need to look around to see the beauty of this night, of their first date.

They walked way too soon into the restaurant. Clary’s hand didn’t leave Maia as the woman asked for their reservation. A table, in a corner, a candle, in between their plates.

Their hands parted, so they could take off their clothes and receive the menus, but as soon as that was done, Maia’s hand searched for Clary’s.

Clary didn’t hesitate. It was awkward, the entire date, how they kept going back to holding hands every time they had to part. They just looked at each other, and they talked, and they laughed, and Clary felt that warmth growing inside.

The food was good, Maia’s smile was delicious, and Clary knew she would only remember her. The meal was short, to her taste. Maybe it was just because she was having so much fun.

They walked to Maia’s apartment, not hand in hand, but with Maia’s arm around her shoulders, and hers around the werewolf’s waist. Clary didn’t know what to do, but she snuggled closer.

“Are you cold?” Maia asked, laugh in her voice. Clary chuckled and said she wasn’t. She wasn’t. She was warm and soft and happy, full of food, and full of something that seemed like love. Something she’d never felt for Jace or Simon, or any boy before.

Was this what it felt like to be happy? Maybe.

But when Maia kissed her, there on the steps of her building, and then after, in her apartment, soft and gentle and caring, Clary knew that yes, this was what it felt like to be happy.


End file.
